Big Cat's Big Playlist

... and here's your winning playlist - at least it should be. Remember, this is the playlist you would be most embarrassed to play while walking around a crowded area with a boombox on your shoulder. Let's begin:

1. "Who Let The Dogs Out?" by the Baha Men

Our playlist kicks off with one of the most obnoxious song in recent memory. Remember the summer of 2000? Chances are this song was your soundtrack for the summer. It gets grating with each subsequent listen, until you're just numb to it.



2. "What a Girl Wants" by Christina "Xtina" Aguilera

Another classic from the summer of 2000. This pop ballad was Xtina's bold second single, proving that she wasn't just a one hit wonder. As much as we might have wished she was.



3. "Believe" by Cher

I really can't summarize this better than the Ol' Bear. So I echo his remarks and commend him on his equally good (or bad?) taste.



4. "Time After Time" by Cindy Lauper

This classic 1985 Grammy Award winning song by Lauper is now only allowed to be played in jest or by emo bands as an ironic cover. It's also terribly catchy. And lame.



5. "So Far Away" by Carol King

This is our closing ballad. Carol King poignantly asks, "Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?" Not when this song is on, they don't. Nonetheless, this is our house dedication to the Ol' Bear during his long "hibernations" away.

Mixtape Voting

Well, it's been a week so I guess our loyal readers should go ahead and vote on who had the worst mixtape. Voting is open for the next week, and perhaps by then Tom will grace us with his list.

Bextacular Mixtape

Alright, for my mixtape I went with songs that are instantly recognizable, and overly popular in their day for some unknown reason. Personally I blame payola. Last, and most importantly, the songs should be embarrassing should you have to walk around a city blasting them from a boombox. Anyway, here we go.

1. Barbie Girl by Aqua

Who knew a song about how easy a girl is would be so popular, especially among tweens?

2. MMMbop by Hanson

Yes, great minds thought alike on this one. Although I don't have an endearing tale that connects it to my childhood, I just think it's a shitty song. From the moaning at the opening to the indecipherable lyrics.

3. My Humps by Black Eyed Peas

It hurts me that the Black Eyed Peas have fallen so low. They used to be a respectable hip-hop group until they decided they needed more T&A in their act and added Fergie. Who, by the way, is not in the least bit attractive. Opinions aside, I think we can all agree that this song is absolutely horrible.

4. Tubthumping by Chubawumba

Let's face it, this song had an energy to it that was infectious...for a little while anyway. But it's repetitiveness and annoying soccer game chant style chorus wore our patience for it thin and the song became as tired as the lead singer's faux-hawk.

As an aside, I had no idea that Chubawumba was actually comprised of the children of the corn. I also thought the "pissing the night away" part was sung by a woman. The things you learn...

And the emotional finish:


5. My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion

What is there to say? This song hits all the hackneyed trademarks of a shitty easy listening song: the Irish flute intro (a standard since riverdance, just like the haunting, vaguely middle eastern wailing we hear a lot in movies today), the vocals building to a swelling climax, the crappy drum machine beat. A mediocre song attached to a mediocre movie lifted to great heights by boredom and longing for romance of housewives all over the globe. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy most of the work of Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, and James Cameron (although they all pale in comparison to the acting powerhouse that is Billy Zane).

One last thing, this song didn't make my final list because I didn't think of it in time ( and doesn't count for voting), but I think it deserves mention:

That's right, riding the post Vanilla Ice demand for white rappers we have Snow, or "Superb Notorious Outrageous Whiteboy". Don't let his Irish roots and suburban canadian ubringing fool you though, he spent a year in prison just prior to this single becoming popular. And yes, I do own a copy of his debut album 12 Feet of Snow.

My Worst Mixtape

Let’s kick it off with the magnum opus of late 90’s electronica: Sandstorm by Darude. Your average alarm clock produces rhythms that are less grating and more complex than DJ Darude’s keyboard, yet somehow this song became one of the best-selling international singles of all time. Just hearing the first few bars of this techno-ballad pumps the listener full of both adrenaline and an overwhelming sense of urgency – sort of like an air raid siren.

The second song on my mix boasts an impressive pedigree: it received Grammy nominations for Record of the Year and Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group, and the date of its album’s release was even declared an Oklahoma state holiday. You guessed it - MMMBop by Hanson. I’ll always remember this ditty because it was chosen (by popular vote) as our middle school class song. It’s worth mentioning that legitimately classic albums like Reasonable Doubt, Evil Empire, The Score, and Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness were released during the same two-year period. Looking back, though, this song was actually an appropriate choice; Hanson’s album sums up Cooper Middle School like The Chronic sums up early 90’s Compton.

Time to slow it down a bit and bend our ears to Gordon Lightfoot’s 1976 ballad The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. “Hey, that’s not a bad song,” you might say – provided you had never actually sat down and listened to it from beginning to end. Seriously, it’s not a terrible song at all…just really, really weird. Haunting and extremely monotonous, the ballad commemorates one of the worst shipping disasters in the history of the Great Lakes. Have you ever felt anything but depressed after listening to this song? Under what circumstances would anyone actually put this song on a mixtape? Could you imagine ever playing this song at any gathering (party, sporting event, wedding, etc.), even ironically?

My fourth song is also a tribute of sorts – in fact, you could even call it a tribute to a tribute: American Pie by Madonna. Don McLean was never able to able to reduplicate the popularity or cultural impact of his all-time classic, written as an allegory for the decline of American music following Elvis’ conscription in the Army in 1958 and the tragic deaths of Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and J.P. “Big Bopper” Richardson the following year. By chopping the record down to 4 minutes and putting it in the soundtrack of a romantic comedy, Madonna was able to not only symbolize the decline of American music but also hasten the process.

Although Old Bear’s excellent mixtape was dedicated to the year 1999, I feel that he left out one of the worst and most memorable songs of that year: Bawitdaba by Kid Rock. I think we can all remember “that guy” at our high school who was waaaay into Kid Rock. He’s the same guy who put fake bullet-hole stickers on his car and followed the WWE until college. There’s not a whole lot else I can say about this song, so I think I should let the lyrics speak for themselves: “bawitdba da bang da dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie.”

"1999"

This compilation is titled - simply, elegantly - "1999." That's because this tape could have been made that year...or today, the songs are just that timeles.

Especially our first track, which was number one on the charts. "Believe" by Cher will be remembered by many as one of her least creative ever. In fact, she doesn't even sing the whole thing - she gets a robot to fill in for her on the big notes.

But the 90's didn't belong entirely to dolled-up robot-sirens. It was a Golden decade for country music, as well, and what better way to cap that decade than by the most memorable, most sing-alongable, most tape-worthy country song ever made: "Something Like That" by Mr. Tim McGraw. Show me where the ambiguous passion of youth has been better captured than in the phrase: "I had a barbecue stain on my white t-shirt/ you were killing me in that mini-skirt." If you're NOT a fan of country, it doesn't get worse than this.

In 1999, we all found ourselves at one time or another hanging out the passenger side of our best friend's ride, trying to holler at someone. That's why "No Scrubs" by a feisty little trio known as TLC makes number 3 on our list. If you're a scrub, you may as well just stop listening now.

And if you really want to make someone uncomfortable, give them a mix tape with "The Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang on it. These guys are just sick. If you don't remember the lyrics, google "Discovery Channel."

But don't walkaway in disgust quite yet - just one song left! This one is from the undisputed king of 1999. If you thought our world leaders were arrogant that year, you must be forgetting that the Willenium was upon us. That's right - the Fresh Prince himself and a helluva guy, Will Smith with his eponymous "WILL 2K." No better way to usher in a new willenium than with a Clash remake and heavy references to a Prince song from almost 2 decades earlier.

So, whether you were graduating high school, or just graduating sophmore year , 1999 was a year - and a mixtape - that none of us will ever forget. No matter how hard we try.

The Contest

Inspired by a hilarious clip from Human Giant, we decided to hold our own "Bad Mixtape" contest. The rules:

1. Make the worst five-song mixtape possible.

2. You can't use any of the songs from the Human Giant sketch.

That's it. Anything else goes. We'll be posting our selections over the next few days. After the final mixtape is posted, feel free to chime in with your vote on who can pick the absolute worst songs.