Bextacular Mixtape

Alright, for my mixtape I went with songs that are instantly recognizable, and overly popular in their day for some unknown reason. Personally I blame payola. Last, and most importantly, the songs should be embarrassing should you have to walk around a city blasting them from a boombox. Anyway, here we go.

1. Barbie Girl by Aqua

Who knew a song about how easy a girl is would be so popular, especially among tweens?

2. MMMbop by Hanson

Yes, great minds thought alike on this one. Although I don't have an endearing tale that connects it to my childhood, I just think it's a shitty song. From the moaning at the opening to the indecipherable lyrics.

3. My Humps by Black Eyed Peas

It hurts me that the Black Eyed Peas have fallen so low. They used to be a respectable hip-hop group until they decided they needed more T&A in their act and added Fergie. Who, by the way, is not in the least bit attractive. Opinions aside, I think we can all agree that this song is absolutely horrible.

4. Tubthumping by Chubawumba

Let's face it, this song had an energy to it that was infectious...for a little while anyway. But it's repetitiveness and annoying soccer game chant style chorus wore our patience for it thin and the song became as tired as the lead singer's faux-hawk.

As an aside, I had no idea that Chubawumba was actually comprised of the children of the corn. I also thought the "pissing the night away" part was sung by a woman. The things you learn...

And the emotional finish:


5. My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion

What is there to say? This song hits all the hackneyed trademarks of a shitty easy listening song: the Irish flute intro (a standard since riverdance, just like the haunting, vaguely middle eastern wailing we hear a lot in movies today), the vocals building to a swelling climax, the crappy drum machine beat. A mediocre song attached to a mediocre movie lifted to great heights by boredom and longing for romance of housewives all over the globe. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy most of the work of Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, and James Cameron (although they all pale in comparison to the acting powerhouse that is Billy Zane).

One last thing, this song didn't make my final list because I didn't think of it in time ( and doesn't count for voting), but I think it deserves mention:

That's right, riding the post Vanilla Ice demand for white rappers we have Snow, or "Superb Notorious Outrageous Whiteboy". Don't let his Irish roots and suburban canadian ubringing fool you though, he spent a year in prison just prior to this single becoming popular. And yes, I do own a copy of his debut album 12 Feet of Snow.

My Worst Mixtape

Let’s kick it off with the magnum opus of late 90’s electronica: Sandstorm by Darude. Your average alarm clock produces rhythms that are less grating and more complex than DJ Darude’s keyboard, yet somehow this song became one of the best-selling international singles of all time. Just hearing the first few bars of this techno-ballad pumps the listener full of both adrenaline and an overwhelming sense of urgency – sort of like an air raid siren.

The second song on my mix boasts an impressive pedigree: it received Grammy nominations for Record of the Year and Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group, and the date of its album’s release was even declared an Oklahoma state holiday. You guessed it - MMMBop by Hanson. I’ll always remember this ditty because it was chosen (by popular vote) as our middle school class song. It’s worth mentioning that legitimately classic albums like Reasonable Doubt, Evil Empire, The Score, and Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness were released during the same two-year period. Looking back, though, this song was actually an appropriate choice; Hanson’s album sums up Cooper Middle School like The Chronic sums up early 90’s Compton.

Time to slow it down a bit and bend our ears to Gordon Lightfoot’s 1976 ballad The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. “Hey, that’s not a bad song,” you might say – provided you had never actually sat down and listened to it from beginning to end. Seriously, it’s not a terrible song at all…just really, really weird. Haunting and extremely monotonous, the ballad commemorates one of the worst shipping disasters in the history of the Great Lakes. Have you ever felt anything but depressed after listening to this song? Under what circumstances would anyone actually put this song on a mixtape? Could you imagine ever playing this song at any gathering (party, sporting event, wedding, etc.), even ironically?

My fourth song is also a tribute of sorts – in fact, you could even call it a tribute to a tribute: American Pie by Madonna. Don McLean was never able to able to reduplicate the popularity or cultural impact of his all-time classic, written as an allegory for the decline of American music following Elvis’ conscription in the Army in 1958 and the tragic deaths of Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and J.P. “Big Bopper” Richardson the following year. By chopping the record down to 4 minutes and putting it in the soundtrack of a romantic comedy, Madonna was able to not only symbolize the decline of American music but also hasten the process.

Although Old Bear’s excellent mixtape was dedicated to the year 1999, I feel that he left out one of the worst and most memorable songs of that year: Bawitdaba by Kid Rock. I think we can all remember “that guy” at our high school who was waaaay into Kid Rock. He’s the same guy who put fake bullet-hole stickers on his car and followed the WWE until college. There’s not a whole lot else I can say about this song, so I think I should let the lyrics speak for themselves: “bawitdba da bang da dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie.”

"1999"

This compilation is titled - simply, elegantly - "1999." That's because this tape could have been made that year...or today, the songs are just that timeles.

Especially our first track, which was number one on the charts. "Believe" by Cher will be remembered by many as one of her least creative ever. In fact, she doesn't even sing the whole thing - she gets a robot to fill in for her on the big notes.

But the 90's didn't belong entirely to dolled-up robot-sirens. It was a Golden decade for country music, as well, and what better way to cap that decade than by the most memorable, most sing-alongable, most tape-worthy country song ever made: "Something Like That" by Mr. Tim McGraw. Show me where the ambiguous passion of youth has been better captured than in the phrase: "I had a barbecue stain on my white t-shirt/ you were killing me in that mini-skirt." If you're NOT a fan of country, it doesn't get worse than this.

In 1999, we all found ourselves at one time or another hanging out the passenger side of our best friend's ride, trying to holler at someone. That's why "No Scrubs" by a feisty little trio known as TLC makes number 3 on our list. If you're a scrub, you may as well just stop listening now.

And if you really want to make someone uncomfortable, give them a mix tape with "The Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang on it. These guys are just sick. If you don't remember the lyrics, google "Discovery Channel."

But don't walkaway in disgust quite yet - just one song left! This one is from the undisputed king of 1999. If you thought our world leaders were arrogant that year, you must be forgetting that the Willenium was upon us. That's right - the Fresh Prince himself and a helluva guy, Will Smith with his eponymous "WILL 2K." No better way to usher in a new willenium than with a Clash remake and heavy references to a Prince song from almost 2 decades earlier.

So, whether you were graduating high school, or just graduating sophmore year , 1999 was a year - and a mixtape - that none of us will ever forget. No matter how hard we try.

The Contest

Inspired by a hilarious clip from Human Giant, we decided to hold our own "Bad Mixtape" contest. The rules:

1. Make the worst five-song mixtape possible.

2. You can't use any of the songs from the Human Giant sketch.

That's it. Anything else goes. We'll be posting our selections over the next few days. After the final mixtape is posted, feel free to chime in with your vote on who can pick the absolute worst songs.

Not Earth Day NSFW

Look Harder

Have you seen this logo? It's for the British Office of Government Commerce. More importantly, can you visualize it rotated ninety degrees clockwise?

From The Register

SNL: Death by Chocolate

Oddly hilarious.

Click Here to Try Drugs

Want to try drugs? Now, due to the convenience of the internet you don't even have to leave the comfort of your own home! Just head on over to www.trydrugs.net and you're on your way!

Rejected Star Wars Merchandise

Ran across this article on some ideas for Star Wars merchandise that never made it to production. I have to admit, if I had slightly less shame I might have bought some of these.

Not to Overdo it With the PSA's

Sexual Harrasment in the The Office

And to celebrate the return of The Office, The Office Quiz from Mental Floss. I only managed to get 67%

Guinness Earns Her Keep

If you've ever enjoyed a cup of joe at 1605 N. Pocomoke, you might have wondered what makes our coffee so unique. Matt's shiny, gourmet coffee maker? James' expert and loving bean grinding?

Nah... turns out it's all in the beans. Beans that come from Guinness.

Well, not yet. But based on this article, you'll be able to enjoy Cafe a la Guinness soon enough!

World's most expensive coffee at £50 a cup comes to British stores...and it's made from cats' droppings

"It might not be to everyone's taste - and that's not just because at £50 a cup it's the most expensive coffee in the world.

The secret behind the special blend about to go on sale at an upmarket department store is that it is made from cats' droppings..."

"The bean is rare, with less than 450lb harvested each year.

The beans are extracted from the droppings of the palm civet, a cross between a cat and a monkey which lives in Indonesia.

The civets eat the soft coffee cherries, digest the fruit pulp and excrete the beans on the forest floor, because they cannot digest the beans.

Plantation workers then collect the beans, which are sold as Luwak coffee.

The civets are said to pick the best and ripest coffee berries.

It is also thought that their gastric juices may add to the flavour."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=558540&in_page_id=1770&in_a_source=

Mario Paint Song

Apparently the Nintendo fanboys have a late entry into the music made from system sounds battle. It would be cool if it could make it into Mario Kart Wii that's coming out later this month.

Guinness' Habit of the Week

Habit #3: I much prefer defecating in the plants in the living room than my litter box. Not so much a habit; more of a statement, really...

Why haven't we been posting lately?

(Multiple choice.)

A. Having grown bored with the overwhelming success of Hock N' Blog and looking for a new mountain to climb, we decided to devote all our efforts to the Ruffalog.

B. We finally hung the dartboard. Thirty seconds later, a stray dart destroyed the nearby Fios box.

C. Big Cat traded in his laptop for a brand new MacBook Air...and all he got was an empty box.

D. I'm not sure about the details, but somehow this is all Lydia's fault.

E. Sheer laziness.

星探(Find Stars, Waste Time)

First of all, have you seen this man?

If you enjoy finding stars, this is the game for you.

And if you can't get enough, here's the sequel.



(It had been a while since we'd posted a picture of Mark Ruffalo)

Today's Weather

I don't know why I find that so funny

Las Jovenes Emos

Apparently all is not well in the land of tequila and cacti. Good find Chris.

Part Mop, Part Puppet

Who knew the Muppets were still funny?


It's actually not too bad an impression.

Know Your Pocomoke: Answers (Belatedly) Revealed

Hey, do you remember a few weeks ago when I last posted a Know Your Pocomoke? Well, I finally have the answers for you:

1. The Riverdance incident occurred at O'Sullivan's. At Ri Ra you're more likely to be mauled by a cougar than trampled by a Riverdancer.

2. As Easy Points correctly surmised, Old Bear is the only Pocomoke resident who has not yet visited Ireland.

3. Big Cat's family came to our land from the fertile County Kilberthark. His great-great-grandfather Seamus (known to his friends as Old Seamus Swift-Hands) was a fisherman in the village of Gathaberway, along the fair cliffs of Charhallagheen. Of course, I'm making this all up. I have no idea where Big Cat's family is from, and he probably doesn't either.

4. NYE may not be drinking-themed, but it certainly is drinking-focused. And personally I think they're both over-hyped.