Who is James Goodwin?

As many of you know, I am auditioning to be a contestant on "Jeopardy!" next weekend. As part of my audition I have to make a list of 5 interesting facts about myself for the on-air interview with Alex in case I make it to the studio. If you've seen the show you know that contestants are usually asked about tidbits like hobbies, travel, career goals, embarrassing moments, and such and such. In an epiphany that should probably encourage me to reevaluate my life, I realized last night that I can't think of 5 interesting things to say about myself. So I need your help.

What facts about me do you think I should mention? Of course, whatever I list has to be appropriate for network television, which effectively rules out stories about any events that may have take place during Rings of Fire I and II or Pocomoktoberfest. And I can't make up anything, either. I could never lie to Alex Trebek. The man's a legend. Let me know if you come up with anything.

The Pocomoke Crest

This time of year, most folks buy wreaths to put on their front doors to add some holiday cheer. However, Pocomoke has never been known as a conventional place - we need something better.

Therefore, this holiday season I'm proposing creating a Pocomoke Crest for our front door that would laud our achievements to friends and intimidate our enemies.

We're looking for suggestions for symbols that represent the residents of Pocomoke. And conveniently, there are exactly four squares on your typical crest.

For example, would J.G.'s square be a beer bottle honoring his brewing and drinking abilities? Would Bex's be a computer or a symbol representing his prompt attention to taking out the garbage? Would Old Bear's symbolically represent irrational levels of guilt? And how can one symbolize "greatness" for Big Cat's square?

We need your help. And remember, this is something sociological anthropologists will study years from now when they try to make sense of Pocomoke - so let's get it right.

Stephen Covey's Habit of the Week

Habit #17: Make time for fun. Consider buying cheap securities in the current sub-prime mortgage crisis to foreclose on poor families during this holiday season.

Excerpts from the TrapperKeeper of Secrets

Secret #14:

Tom's parents are first cousins. The "tonsillectomy" he missed a week of school for in 1992 was really an operation to remove the webbing from between his toes.

Know Your Thanksgiving: Answers Revealed

Hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving! Here are the answers to our special Thanksgiving edition of KYP:

1. As Namita observed, this was sort of a trick question. You'd probably guess turkey, but you'd be wrong. Squanto taught the pilgrims how to catch eels. That's why every Thanksgiving our mothers heat up the oven and bake a delicious eel. In fact, I'm eating a leftover eel and gravy sandwich right now.

2. The last float of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is occupied by Santa Claus, thus officially kicking off the Christmas season.

3. At the same time that most of us are gathering around the table with family and friends to enjoy our eel, stuffing, and mashed potatoes, several activists gather near Plymouth Rock to celebrate the National Day of Mourning. The event serves as a reminder of the hundreds of thousands of Native Americans who were killed or displaced by the arrival of European settlers in New England. In recent years the day has been dedicated to Leonard Peltier, a Native American activist currently serving consecutive life sentences for the murder of two FBI agents during a 1975 shoot-out. (Some organizations, including Amnesty International, consider Peltier a political prisoner).

4. As Lydia said, our favorite traditions are too long and esoteric to post here. But I think we can all agree that nothing tastes as good as an eel shared among family.

(PS: Hey Adam, thanks for blowing up my spot with the Wikipedia comment.)

Thanksgiving 2007: What Pocomoke is Thankful For

Thanksgiving provides a good opportunity to stop and reflect on all that we have to be thankful for. Here are a couple things Pocomoke is thankful for this year:

Retrospecticus and Becktron (Our homemade tivo systems)
Spider-crickets
Our neighbor above, Heavy D
The Fire Pit and it's predecessor, the Ring of Fire
Seagram's 7
Homebrewing
Panda Express
The writings of C.S. Forester
... and of course our good friends and loyal audience.


Wishing you and your families a great Thanksgiving,

The Pocomoke Crew

An Educated Blog

We here at Pocomoke always knew we had a highly-educated audience, but a recent analysis of our writing was downright flattering - for both the authors and the audience.

The 'Blog Readability Test' scans blogs to determine the intelligence of the blog's audience based on comprehension (ex. big words).

Give yourselves a big pat on the back, Hockers, for you have been classified as:



I guess you could say that on this blog, we're all Cambridgemen.

Know Your Thanksgiving

We all know that Thanksgiving is a time to appreciate the things we are most thankful for - family, food, and football. Here at Pocomoke, we are thankful for Thanksgiving itself. So rather than ramble on about ourselves this week, I thought it might be nice to focus this edition of Know Your Pocomoke on the holiday we hold so dear.

1. The American Thanksgiving celebration is traditionally associated with a New England harvest feast shared by English settlers and the indigenous Wampanoag indians in 1621. The Pilgrims were particularly grateful to Squanto, a former slave and intepreter who taught them how to catch and cook this animal.

2. The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade has been a staple of the holiday since 1924. After the marching bands and cartoon balloons have all gone by, which float traditionally ends the parade?

3. Not all Americans celebrate Thanksgiving. What is the name of the holiday that thousands of Native Americans (among others) choose to observe on the fourth Thursday in November instead, and to which convicted murderer is it dedicated?

4. In a bizarre tradition that some claim dates back to the tenure of Abraham Lincoln, the President officially pardons one or two turkeys on Thanksgiving. To what magical place are the birds then sent to live out the rest of their days in peace?

5. What is your favorite Thanksgiving tradition?

Best Campaign Ad Ever

Look, I realize that 99% of you will have already seen this by the time I post it. But I'll put it up here just to be safe:

Countdown to the Television Event of the Year

2 Days, 10 Hours, 25 Minutes.

Join the Knight's Ridge gang for a special season premier of October Road. You can bet Pocomoke will.

Stephen Covey's Habit of the Week

Habit #16: During this special holiday season, remember to give thanks to those who matter most in your life: your stock broker, hedge fund manager, and "bag man."

A Mystery Solved? Peering Inside the Pocomoke Rainforest

In last week's Know Your Pocomoke I made a reference to the hardy plants that are currently scheming to take over our living room. As I mentioned in the post, we've never been sure exactly what species they belong to. Many have speculated that they came to this country from somewhere down South America way, maybe Argentina, Portugal, or Brazil. We've taken to calling them "rubber tree plants" even though they clearly are NOT rubber trees. Some (like me) are convinced that they are definitive proof of extraterrestrial life. Thanks to Bex's diligent research, however, I now have some more information to give you:

Philodendron selloum

Our plants appear to be members of the genus Philodendron, which includes over 1000 distinct species. We were right about at least one thing: many species of household philodendrons originated in tropical South America. So it looks like we can close the book on this Pocomoke mystery...at least for now. Their aggresive growth and apparent indestructibility still makes me suspicious that we may be harboring alien life forms. Or even worse, they could be nosferatu - the Undead!

Where are your Hock-N-Bloggers?

Programming Note: This week, we're operating at 50% capacity as Ol' Bear and Big Knuckles are out on the open road. Where, you ask?

Bex is busy spreading Thanksgiving cheer out west. He will also be introducing wild turkeys to Grand Canyon state.

It's back to college week for the Ol' Bear. He'll be checking up on Little Bear and treating him and up to 2 friends to a "fancy dinner."

But fear not, JG and Big Cat intend to keep this blog so chock full of content, it will be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on blogspot!

Keep your eyes peeled this week for more Know Your Pocomoke, Habit of the Week, the conclusion to our Gingerbread caper, and a very special Thanksgiving post.

The Culinary Arts: Pocomoke in Gingerbread

Have you ever wondered what the dashing residents of Pocomoke would look like if they were baked as cookies? Of course you have, and so have we.

On cold and rainy fall evening, we decided to put our baking abilities to the test. Fortunately for us, an actual artist - culinary and otherwise - intervened. Will Carolyn be able to successfully pull off this challenge? Have her years of study and practice in the field of art history prepared her for this feat?

The following photos document this momentous occasion...



Our talented chef/artist mentally prepares for the challenging task before her. Culinary scalpel in hand, Carolyn understands the magnitude of this baking endeavor.



The gingerbread pallet proves more difficult that originally anticipated. Forsaking the scalpel, the artist turns to a pizza cutter in a moment of desperation.



The gingerbread pallet is complete and ready for baking - but how will they turn out? Tension runs high.



Having witnessed the process, Big Cat is skeptical. With 7 to 11 minutes of baking at 350 degrees ahead of them, he understands the complications that can arise at this critical stage in the process.


DING! Was that the oven? No, our oven doesn't have a timer... its far too old.

But will the outcome be delicious or tragic?

Find out in the next installment of The Culinary Arts: Pocomoke in Gingerbread - Part II.

Actione! Velocita! Terrore! Suspenso!

TrapperKeeper of Secrets

Shhh... did Big Knuckles follow you? Are you sure Ol' Bear's gone for the week?

Ok, what I'm about to share with you stays between us. For many years, the residents of Pocomoke have kept a book - nay, a TrapperKeeper - filled with house secrets.

Why? Because that's the only book secure enough to keep them... until now.


Secret #1:

When one of his fish babies recently died, James claimed one of the bigger fish ate it.

James ate it... alive.



The TrapperKeeper of Secrets is closed - for now.

Know Your Pocomoke: Answers Revealed

I know I promised you loads of original content this week, and we're already falling slightly behind. But don't worry - we're working on some new features to enhance your Hock experience.

Onto the correct responses:

1. The hallway light outside the front door of Pocomoke is green. This is a remnant of last Christmas, when we tried to amp up the holiday spirit by putting red and green bulbs in the hallway light fixture. Well, it turns out that when you put red and green bulbs next to each other they combine to give off a pale, sickly, and very un-Christmassy color. So we just went with the green bulb, which gives the effect of Christmas...on a UFO. The other option was to just put in the red bulb, which we reckoned would give the wrong idea about what exactly goes on at Pocomoke. But how awesome would it have been if we had chosen the red bulbs and people nicknamed our house "The Red Light District"? That would have been so cool.

2. Not surprisingly, no one knows exactly what species the plants in our living room are. All we've heard are vague claims that the plants are "from Brazil." They continue to thrive despite the consistent neglect we've shown them. And they're already looking for ways to escape into the world at large: next time you come to Pocomoke, remind me to show you the grooves on the floor from where they've sent roots out from they're flowerpots. I'm dead serious. Did you ever read that children's book series The Plant That Ate Dirty Socks? I'm convinced that's the kind of mutant flora we're dealing with. Someone should alert the authorities.

3. Given the fact that so far in this post I've already referenced a) falling behind on a commitment I made; b) leaving up Christmas decorations for a year; and c) neglecting houseplants, I'm guessing that no, we're probably not ready for dog ownership.

Hilarious (But Probably NSFW)

Any guesses on how old that girl is? And did anyone else hear the father say something about it being before her Bat Mitzvah? Maybe she was going to post it on smooze.com

Stephen Covey's Habit of the Week

Habit #15: There is nothing more important than the relentless pursuit of profit - not your family, friends or integrity. They are merely obstacles to your fiscal greatness.

Cowbell Hero

How Not to Flip Over a Car

Pig Punch

For those of you that have seen the SNL iPhone ad spoofs floating around, here's one that was cut:

Know Your Pocomoke

Upset about the 1 week hiatus from Know Your Pocomoke? Blame it on the writers' strike. But I just couldn't stay away, so I've finally decided to cross the picket line.

1) What color is the light in the hallway outside the front door of Pocomoke?

2) We all know the rainforest is shrinking. Here at Pocomoke, we're doing our part to combat deforestation. What kind of plants are currently (and somewhat suspiciously) thriving in our living room?

3) Are the Pocomoke residents mature enough to care for a dog?

Answers will be revealed later this week. And look for more great, original hock in the days to come.

Cool Air Traffic Video

The Office Is Closed

Here at Hock-n-blog we like to inform our readers as well as entertain them with tales of forgotten food. Today's issue is the Writers Guild strike out in Hollywood. At first I wasn't concerned about it, then I saw this clip and realized it could really affect my Thursday night:

Since they didn't mention them by name, I can only assume that Dwight, Angela and Creed are sitting patiently at their desks while all this is going on.

This other video does a good job illustrating the problem:


Personally I think the writers have a pretty good case, it's ridiculous to not pay them when the studio is receiving ad revenue. Of Course here at Pocomoke we watch it on our tivo without ads anyway.

Mankind Has Harnessed the Electron

...And this was best thing we could think of to do with it:

Stephen Covey's Habit of the Week

Habit #14: Remember to make time to "sharpen the saw." You never know when you'll need to use it.

Bully Proof Underwear

Cleaning the Upstairs Refrigerator: A Journey Through Time

Chapter 1. Introduction

In its most basic form, archaeology is the science of stratigraphy - examining layered deposits of material in order to recreate the sequence of events that has led us to the present. In this way, we are able to build a bridge from the past to the present. You are invited on accompany me on a journey through time as I attempt to excavate Pocomoke's upstairs refrigerator. But I must warn you that this journey is not for the faint of heart. Our voyage will bring us face to face with the moldering relics and evil demons of an ancient age.

Tom has no idea what perils await us...

Chapter 2. Condiments in the Door Shelves, Gatekeepers of the Past

These out-dated guardians of the refrigerator door were also the guardians of bacteria, probably including some fairly evolved strains of E. coli.



The most disturbing part of this voyage is that we ate some of this syrup with breakfast not two hours before cleaning the fridge (expiration date reads December 28, 2006).


Mmmmm....the breakfast of champions.


Chapter 3. Olives, Cheese, and other Unsavory Characters Loitering on the Top Shelf

These are just some of the long-expired food items taking up space in the top shelf. Not to ruin your day, but if you attended Pocomoktoberfest, you probably ate some of the ketchup and
mustard.




That makes two half-empty, expired bottles of ketchup in case you're keeping score at home.

This sour cream was in the fridge so long that it spawned its own rancid demon-child.

Chapter 4. Trick or Treat? The Lost Snacks of The Middle Shelf

Watch yourself around these artifacts fom the middle shelf. They're more sinister than they may appear.

That makes two half-empty, expired jars of salsa in case you're counting at home.

Chemical reactions had left this rancid jug of milk so puffed up that it could barely stand upright.

Even your brave guide was too afraid to open this smoothie cup, found in the far back corner of the middle shelf.

Healthy snack or food poisoning waiting to happen? You decide.

Chapter 5. The Unholy Tomb: A Harrowing Adventure at the Bottom Shelf

Like the tomb of an ancient Pharoah, the innermost sanctum of the refrigerator contained some of the most beautiful and deadly artifacts.

This was Pepsi's Christmas gift to you....in 2006.

The dessicated weaponry of a more elegant age.



Who dares open the sarcophagus?


The horror! The horror!

Seriously, the stench of rotting fish that hit me once I opened this container was so strong that it literally brought tears to my eyes. The food was so congealed to the bottom of the container that I had to blast it off with a hose. And after several attempts at cleaning, I finally had to throw out the container itself because the odor wouldn't go away.


Chapter 6. Pandora's Box: Evil Lurking in the Crisper




Think this pack of frankfurters looks appetizing? Look closer.


Malicious creatures fester within!

At last, our refrigerator is free from the terrible monsters of its past...at least for now...

Know Your Pocomoke: Answers Revealed

Here are the answers to a relatively easy Halloween edition of Know Your Pocomoke:

1. The singer in question, of course, was Robert Goulet. His music was as integral to our Turtleneck Christmas party as the popcorn strings, the chocolate fountain, the fake log fire, the Ricardo del Fuego moustache, and the turtlenecks themselves. He will be missed.

2. The two paintings are known as the Mugger and the Vomiter.

3. I would have accepted several answers for this one, including but not limited to: insecurity, lack of motivation, mutual co-dependence, the slow torture of a life without purpose, immaturity, low self-esteem, hock obsession, indecisiveness, the spector of past failures, lonliness.

It's like Jerry Springer... but in Japanese.

I often find myself wondering what TV is like in Japan. Of course, Allison has regaled us with stories of their KFC Christmas and saki-drenched cherry blossom festivals, but what do we really know about Japan?

Fortunately, YouTube bridges cultures and oceans and unequivocally shows us that Japanese TV is much like the Jerry Springer show. Enjoy this NSFW clip from the land of the rising sun.

And all credit goes to Carolyn for finding this. How she found it... well, that's a very good question... hmmm.