Chapter 1. Introduction
In its most basic form, archaeology is the science of stratigraphy - examining layered deposits of material in order to recreate the sequence of events that has led us to the present. In this way, we are able to build a bridge from the past to the present. You are invited on accompany me on a journey through time as I attempt to excavate Pocomoke's upstairs refrigerator. But I must warn you that this journey is not for the faint of heart. Our voyage will bring us face to face with the moldering relics and evil demons of an ancient age.
Tom has no idea what perils await us...
Chapter 2. Condiments in the Door Shelves, Gatekeepers of the Past
These out-dated guardians of the refrigerator door were also the guardians of bacteria, probably including some fairly evolved strains of E. coli.
The most disturbing part of this voyage is that we ate some of this syrup with breakfast not two hours before cleaning the fridge (expiration date reads December 28, 2006).
Mmmmm....the breakfast of champions.
Chapter 3. Olives, Cheese, and other Unsavory Characters Loitering on the Top Shelf
These are just some of the long-expired food items taking up space in the top shelf. Not to ruin your day, but if you attended Pocomoktoberfest, you probably ate some of the ketchup andmustard.
That makes two half-empty, expired bottles of ketchup in case you're keeping score at home.
This sour cream was in the fridge so long that it spawned its own rancid demon-child.Chapter 4. Trick or Treat? The Lost Snacks of The Middle Shelf
Watch yourself around these artifacts fom the middle shelf. They're more sinister than they may appear.
That makes two half-empty, expired jars of salsa in case you're counting at home.
Chemical reactions had left this rancid jug of milk so puffed up that it could barely stand upright.
Even your brave guide was too afraid to open this smoothie cup, found in the far back corner of the middle shelf.
Chapter 5. The Unholy Tomb: A Harrowing Adventure at the Bottom Shelf
Like the tomb of an ancient Pharoah, the innermost sanctum of the refrigerator contained some of the most beautiful and deadly artifacts.
The dessicated weaponry of a more elegant age.
Who dares open the sarcophagus?
The horror! The horror!Seriously, the stench of rotting fish that hit me once I opened this container was so strong that it literally brought tears to my eyes. The food was so congealed to the bottom of the container that I had to blast it off with a hose. And after several attempts at cleaning, I finally had to throw out the container itself because the odor wouldn't go away.
Chapter 6. Pandora's Box: Evil Lurking in the Crisper
Think this pack of frankfurters looks appetizing? Look closer.
Malicious creatures fester within!
At last, our refrigerator is free from the terrible monsters of its past...at least for now...
6 Comments:
Ahh the beauty of the refrigerator cleaning. When we moved out of our house back in July, we found unknown articles dating back as far as 2005. When cleaning the freezer we found items that apparently had been transported into the house in mid 2004.
Is it just me, or does Tom look like he has a really sweet mustache in that picture?
a. that's disgusting
b. I wonder what pepsi's gift will be to you this year
c. this explains Tom's constantly being sick
and d. will you come clean my fridge now?
I noticed Tom's mustache as well, perhaps a living tribute to Robert Goulet?
With the exception of the hairy sausage and liquified salmon, most of those foods have AT LEAST another year ahead of them, just like that custard ( or 'good pud' in olde englishe) from last night, which was a sagely three years old.
I was so transfixed by this post, I read it twice. Planning on a third time for good measure.
Wow, just saw this post. Again, WOW. The fish really takes the cake, if you ask me. You all were harboring some nasty nibbles.
Post a Comment